English.

A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included admirals from the US, British, Canadian, Australian, and French Navies.  At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a group of half dozen or so officers that included personnel from most of the  countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks, but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English.

He then asked: "Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences, rather than speaking French?"

Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied: "Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies, and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German."

It got so quiet, you could have heard a pin drop.

(It is rumored that this is a true story. -tmc)

Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southern Republican?

The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock .40 caliber, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

Democrat's Answer:

I need more information before answering the question:

• Does the man look poor or oppressed?
• Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
• Could we run away?
• What does my wife think?
• What about the kids?
• Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
  
• What does the law say about this situation?
• Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
• Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
• Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
• Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
• If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
• Should I call 9-1-1?
• Why is this street so deserted?
• We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day, and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior

This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.

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Republican's Answer:

BANG!!!

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Southerner's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

Click... (Sounds of reloading)

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click...

Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?"
Son: "Can I shoot the next one!??!"
Wife: "You ain't taking that to the taxidermist!"

Innocence is Priceless

One Sunday  morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring  up at a  large plaque. It was covered with names with  small American  flags mounted  on either side of it.

The seven year old had been  staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside  the little boy, and said  quietly, "Good morning Alex."

"Good morning Pastor," he replied, still  focused on the plaque.

"Pastor,  what is this?" he asked the pastor. The pastor said,"Well, son,  it's a  memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."

Soberly,  they just stood together, staring at the large plaque. Finally, little  Alex's voice, barely audible and  trembling with fear, asked,   "Which service,  the 9:00 or the 10:30?"